Knowing the boundaries. If I don’t know me, it is impossible for me to know you.
For me, boundaries are tough and I have crossed over them many times. I find for myself that when I operate within boundaries in relationships I tend to stay out of trouble. Someone once said, “The difference between a pest and a welcomed guest is an invitation.” I will give you an example. How many times has something happened in a relationship say your wife where she says “I don’t want to talk about that right now and you keep pushing the issue. You have crossed the boundary in to area where you were not invited. I can’t tell you how many times in my early days of marriage did d I do that to Kelly and all it did was make her shutdown even more and make me angrier. I was the uninvited pest.
God’s word tells us how to communicate effectively. Speak truth in Love because truth spoken out of love is religion and that is ugly. We often times see someone and we feel that we need to speak into them and we might not have the relationship built yet but we cross that boundary and unintentionally push them a way instead of building trust first. It is just like selling a car or anything for that matter. No one is going to buy from you until you have built a repore with them and you are not going to buy anything from anyone who says “Can I help you” But you will if the person builds a relationship with you first.
Nugget: We must realize that every time we violate any principles of communication, we reduce the effectiveness of our message. Ignoring the principles sends a message to the person with whom we wish to communicate that says, “You are of no value.” Rarely do people reject real communication. It is our rude, ill equipped, condemning, or negative approach to communication that people reject. When we value people, we put forth the effort necessary to communicate in a way that will be acceptable and effective.
Truth in Love
My mom is in Keller and once again she just pops up unannounced and sends me an email saying maybe we can get together. This is old and I am tired of it. It still hurts I have lived here for seven years and she has only stopped by to see us one time for a couple of hours on her way to do something else. What irritates me this time is the fact that I talked to her on the phone last Friday and she didn’t even tell me she was coming down. I just don’t get it. So let me give you an example of me being judgmental here and how it could affect me and then my wife
I think she comes down here unannounced so she doesn’t have to make any long term plans with me. I am not her favorite. MY walk with the Lord is over the top so in her eyes I make her uncomfortable. When she comes to Keller it is all about her and her cousin and it doesn’t matter if she sees me or my family. She comes unannounced knowing that I will be busy and can’t see her. (Just like the last two times she came to Keller.) That way it will not interfere with her time with her cousin. When my wife called me yesterday and read me the email from my Mom …….. II have to tell you I judged and I got pissed. I don’t even want to see her. But she is making an effort so I will accommodate, but I still don’t like. So when I judge my mom and attach the why I have now cause my own pain and that affects my wife.