16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.
I would like to say that I enjoy going through the rough patches in my life, but I don’t. I have been sifted and it has not been fun. There is however glory to be had and I received it. There is a good possibility that the root to my porn issue (which is the symptom) is close. Ten days ago when I went to see Marylin (marriage counselor) in her office the Lord showed me that I had jealousy in my marriage. He showed me that I was jealous of Kelly’s kids. At the time I did not know exactly what that looked like, now I do. There were events that transpired over the weekend in my home. These events included Jacob, Rachel and Rebekah in no certain order. Monday I typed up an email to send to my wife. When I read it I decided that I would not email it to her. After I wrote it I received an email inviting me to lunch Monday. So what I did was email it to this person that I was going to have lunch with. I knew we would talk about it at lunch. While we were talking the Lord gave him the scripture in James and I was just taking back. That is exactly what has been going on with me. We can talk about pride but it is the jealousy and the pride that brought satan to where he is today. I don’t want to be compared to him.
The truth of the matter is this. I have not just been jealous in my marriage of Kelly’s kids, but of my parents as well and as I look back it is in a lot of areas in my life. I can tell you this …. Flesh and blood did not reveal this to me. So what do I do with this new revelation? I am still chewing on it.
There is more to come on this matter, because the verses before and after have really spoken to me as well. This I know …. Right now I am not content in many areas of my life like I thought I was………….. That is okay, one step at a time.
Another thought ……. So if you are jealous and selfish you will have disorder and evil of every kind in your life. That just does not sit well with me. But it is true.
When I am jealous (now that I know what it looks like) it is not even controlled chaos, it is total and complete disorder, I am mad, angry, passive aggressive, dishonest. Can we just say it … I am asshole and a good one at that. That evil … that’s the porn. My Achilles heal