The poem is one that I wrote back in 03. I found an old disk that had some files on it and that poem was one of them. I read it and it spoke to me like I wrote it today. My wife asked me a question yesterday and I did not know how to answer it. She said “Why do you hate yourself so much?” I did not know how to respond to that. I got really jacked up over something that happened a while back. I am not sure if I am entirely over it. It is not working for me. Pain is inevitable but am I choosing to suffer?
I really have to wonder if I am walking in humility? am I tending to my wife’s garden?
I don’t want to read ….. I don’t want to pray …… I don’t like that….. there is no desire and no passion in my heart right now. Just being honest. I don’t want to go to Church because I don’t want to be a poser. I have my friends that I am being real with. This is just where I am at.
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14