It has been a while since I have written anything. It has been a long seasons it seems. I have been some what going through a rough patch. There have been good days and not so good days. I could say I have had to make myself be in the word and make myself pray, make myself be still. Hate that those things need to be a struggle. They usually are not. I am sure some of you can relate.
This is from part of an email I sent to the men I walk with “. As I told Scott yesterday “I need to get my heart back” not sure if that is correct, but it is what sounds the most logical. It is hard to pin point exactly what is going on. I have a great marriage for the most part. (We have our stuff just like everyone else does) A successful business, Friends that love me. A nice truck (HA) and I just feel like sitting down and having a good cry, but not sure what I want to cry about. After reading an email from Coach to me, I tear up. I believe, I feel, I know, however you want to slice it. I am not trusting the Lord on some level. I know you either trust him or you don’t. So I am excited but nervous about this Quest. We leave next Tuesday, I don’t feel like I am beating myself up so there is no stick. This morning as I am praying in my driveway I am asking for understanding in an area that has been bothering me. While I am asking I hear “you don’t need to understand” I hear that over my thoughts. I quickly said, “Yes I do” In my spirit I know that the answer is “no you don’t.” That is when the scripture came to me “my ways are not your ways.” So why do I want to argue? I know it was Holy Spirit ……. I know it was. It is all about trusting the Lord and not having to understand why things happen the way they do. I don’t like that. Just being honest. (can you say want to be in control?) (can you say pride… my way is better)
Isaiah 55:8 (NKJV) 8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
Here is a scenario for you. Why is it so easy to trust man than the Lord? You fly in a jet that is man-made 32000 feet in the air trusting that it is not going to crash. You ride in a gondola that has you suspended 1300 feet above the rocky terrain. Are you praying the whole time that the 1 inch cable doesn’t snap? No you just get on and ride and not give it another thought. On the jet you take a nap, but if you need to put a loved one in the hands of the Lord I think for some of us that is a different ballgame. I could go on and on but I think you get my point.
Bless you today, If nothing changes then nothing changes.