Who was the favorite?

Gen 37:3-4
Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons, because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors. 4 But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.

As I go through the book “Unwanted” I have learned about triangulation. Which is about when a parent target’s their child in a way that the the child becomes the confidante instead of the spouse. I myself have not experienced triangulation in my childhood when growing up but I have seen it many times when I’ve heard men talk about their relationship with the particular parent. Most of the time the parent doesn’t even realize what they’re doing.

When I read the scripture in Genesis it never dawned on me that Joseph was the favorite and how bad it hurt his brothers. I always just focused on the robe.

Can you think about a time when you were growing up when you felt like one of your siblings was the favorite and how much it hurt you? Think about how it has affected you even to this day?

Do you remember a time growing up when either your mom or your dad would come to you and complain about the other parent to you? It might even make you feel like you were on the inside. Like you were getting privileged information.

Maybe you have a parent who calls you up all the time to make you feel guilty because you don’t come and see them enough or they want to know about personal stuff in your marriage? This is a form of triangulation. It may come across as if they’re just wanting to help.

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Now don’t get me wrong, you can have very healthy relationships with your parents and talk to them on a weekly basis. You just have to know your boundaries, if you don’t have any that could be a sign of triangulation.

What I have learned about triangulation is that it is a stepping stone to unwanted sexual behavior.


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