So I have been really chewing on something for the last few days. I have been thinking about something that my counselor said to me. We were talking about my unbelief that I have when it comes to being delivered from lust.. We talked about how often I feel like I have turned this over to the Lord yet sometimes I have or want to go back to the vomit someway or another. Many times I struggle with who God says I am …. Not often but sometimes. She said something to me (and I feel it was from the Lord)
She said, Maybe in this area you don’t believe who God says he is. Well I had to just sit there and ponder that statement. I have heard it spoken the other way, but not in the way she put it. So I have been praying and asking “Lord help me with my un belief!” Help me to believe who you say you are! Mark 9-23,24 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe,[ all things arepossible to him who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
Below was written on March 1st, 2014
This is what I got in my time with the Lord Saturday morning down at the ranch. I went down to the ranch to work on the dishwasher (fixed I might add) and a couple of MW ovens. I also took down a new B-Bcue grill. I was reading my usually Oswald chambers when in the middle I heard Jeremiah 16. That was random. (we all know the Lord is not random)
Jeremiah 16:17 I am watching them closely, and I see every sin. They cannot hope to hide from me. 18 I will double their punishment for all their sins, because they have defiled my land with lifeless images of their detestable gods and have filled my territory with their evil deeds.” 
Now here is how I read it. Jeremiah 16:17 I am watching YOU closely, and I see every sin. YOU cannot hope to hide from me. 18 I will double your punishment for all of YOUR sins, because you have defiled my land with lifeless images of LUST and have filled my territory WHICH IS YOUR home with your evil deeds.”
Well needless to say that is not what I was expecting this morning when I asked for a word for my wife! I got this instead. When I was reading about Judah’s coming punishment, I was thinking…… where is this going? I am not getting much out of this. Then I got slapped right in the face and it hurt. The truth is when I am looking at things that I am not supposed to be looking at, doesn’t matter where I am, computer, store, restaurant or alone with my thoughts, you know the visual rolodex. I just never get the sense that the Lord is hovering over my shoulder watching me. I understand what scripture says, but I think you know what I mean. So I’m just there and pondered what I had just read…. I just stared at my bible for what seemed an eternity. Normally when I get a scripture like that, I stop reading. This time I felt a nudge to continue on. So glad I did.
Whenever there is a wounding word from the Lord, it is a good hurt. What came next though was better. Jeremiah 16: 19 Lord, you are my strength and fortress, my refuge in the day of trouble! ………………..21 The Lord says, “Now I will show them my power; now I will show them my might. At last they will know and understand that I am the Lord.
19 Lord, you are my strength and fortress, my refuge in MY day of trouble! ………………..21 The Lordsays, “Now I will show YOU my power; now I will show YOU my might. At last YOU will know and understand that I am the Lord. Then I hear this.that I am the Lordwho exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord.  The end of Jer. 9:24
Almost two hours with the Lord that morning …….. priceless with tears. That He would love me in spite of me!