I was a bully and didn’t even know it


God didn’t make us to be Jerks to anyone. He didn’t make us to be bullies. He didn’t make us trample our spouses. He made us for one purpose, and that is to love because he is love.

My story.

I lost my first marriage because of several factors. I brought pornography into the marriage. But the real eye-opener was I trampled her. I made her a doormat. I bullied her.

The first book I ever read after I started going back to church in 2000 was by Jimmy Evans, and it was called Marriage on the Rock. After I read it that’s when I realized that I was a bully, that I trampled her to the point where she would just agree with me on almost everything I said, because she was afraid of the consequences if she disagreed with me. I verbally abused her. I always tried to fix her because she was the problem . Not me !

I thought she always agreed with me because she loved me. I thought it was normal. Here’s how normal it was. We never fought until the marriage was over

She agreed with me out of absolute fear.

Having said that, I never thought there was anything wrong with my marriage until everything was wrong in my marriage.

I don’t know what happened in my life that could have caused me to be that way. I am sure that it had something to do with my upbringing. I was never taught how to honor and cherish my wife. My marriage was almost like a business. I was the boss, and my wife was the employee. Make no mistake, she did a lot of great things in our marriage, she also made some mistakes that’s just part of being married. The big difference is that back then, I would shame her or whatever because of her mistakes.

Here’s what I learned. I was a very selfish, self-centered, prideful man.

I have learned over the years in my new marriage, which is coming up on our 20th anniversary, that I still struggle with being self-centered and selfish, but I’m nowhere the man I used to be. This is something that I constantly work on. I do my best to love on people and to not be a jerk and if I am a jerk then I always end up reaching back out and apologizing or going back into Home Depot and apologizing or whatever needs to happen.

I know where my calling is. And that is to follow in the footsteps of Jesus to love people forgive people honor and cherish my wife.

I believe if I do what Jesus has called me to do, which is follow him, be Jesus with skin on, then everything else will fall into place. When it doesn’t. It’s because I am being selfish or self-centered.

1 Peter 2:21 (ESV) 21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.

Ephesians 2:10 (ESV) 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

I know that being selfish and self-centered as much as I was at that time was because I had absolutely no clue who I was in Jesus. I was right you were wrong.

Keeper of my Heart ❤️

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