I wrote a couple weeks ago about taking a sabbatical. Aug 22nd titled “it is time”
I have written more this year than the year before. You would think by everything that I have posted. It would appear that I have been in a good place.
For the most part I feel like I have.
This morning discoveries were made.
I have discovered that my prayer life has not been good for a long time. Very superficial.
I have been on vacation/sabbatical for several days and honestly that’s been a struggle. There’s a sign in front of me in the kitchen where I’m staying that says
“we’re so glad you are here”
All I can think of is really? I am in the pristine Colorado Rockies….. I am with the woman that I love. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and did not like what I saw.
Here’s a quote from Dr James Richards book the prayer organizer and I think it pretty well sums up what’s going on with me.
Religion lead us to believe we are still that same person. This false idea implies that our past has been forgiven, but we are still that same old person and our job is now to become the person God wants us to be. This doctrinal scenario sets up a destructive belief at the outside of our journey with God. “I am not as God desires me to be. I am rejected if I do not become who I need to be.”
These negative beliefs create thoughts, feelings, and emotions in direct conflict with what the Spirit of God has done and is currently communicating in our heart! We are basically rejecting the free gift of righteousness in Christ and pursuing our own righteousness.
I read this and it makes me think of having a works mentality.
This has been definitely a time of discovery.
Today I got Revelation and everything has changed.
5 hrs this morning reading and meditating
My relationship with the lord had been more of just an acquaintance than an intimate relationship.
Other relationships suffer because of this.
Idolatry.
Wicked Unbelief.
Lack of worship
Pursuing my own rightousness.
Orphan mentality.
Stay out of my office until I’m through with my time with the lord in the mornings.
This is reality. This is not me beating myself up with a stick.
Changes are coming……..
Matthew 6.6 