The high chair, the 60-year-old memory

Friday I spoke about growing up being neglected.

There is a question that I have been asking for the last couple weeks.

I have actually been seeing Bob Hamp.  It took 6 months being on his waiting list before I finally got in. Two questions have come up. What about my anger? (Why do I get mad at myself for getting mad?)   The other one was,  where did the sad little boy start?

Friday, I’m talking to my wife about things that happened in my childhood. My absolute earliest memory is sitting in my high chair and my mom and dad leaving me there to finish eating my black eyed peas or lima beans whatever food I didn’t like. They would leave me. They would neglect me.

It dawned on me yesterday morning that is where the neglect started. Where the sad little boy started. All these years I knew about it but never connected the dots. Now that I know, what am I going to do with that information?

This morning I’m sitting in my chair and I’m going back to that crying little boy sitting in his high chair and neither my mom nor my dad would come into the kitchen. Besides being alone and crying,  I just realized I was abandoned.

All the sudden I see Jesus kneeled in front of me, telling me that it’s going to be okay and I stopped crying.

I’m not exactly sure what all this means. It is the beginning of something.

John 1:5 the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

This morning during my meditation. I hear John 7:6

I can tell you that when I hear something like that in my mind I’m always excited about what I’m going to read. 9 times out of 10 I don’t even know what that scripture means.

John 7:6 my time has not yet come, but your time is always here.

I’m looking at the passage and realize that it’s the last part of the passage that is speaking to me. So I just asked what are you saying to me?

I hear Jesus is telling me that My time is always here. My time is always in the present. Stop looking at your past. Look where I am today.

As I see the sad little boy in the high chair not only is Jesus kneeled in front of me. But he is also in me.

John 1:3 all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men.