Quest 186 What does it look like to surrender? Another take.

This post is a little longer than normal. Because this is a big deal and I think very important.

Let me give you some backstory. I just got back from facilitating quest 186 yesterday. What an absolute amazing experience it was. I’m asking myself what was the biggest thing that I took from it? There’s the obvious, the staff unity, great food, men who ran hard after Daddy and I truly believe with all my heart that they got everything that they were seeking. The warriors know who they are.

Here is what François Fenelon the Archbishop of Cambria said in the 17th century. He was the spiritual advisor to Louie the 14th. He said this in a letter to the King about surrender. There is more in the letter but this is the main point.

Let me tell you what real surrender is. It is simply resting in the love of the Lord, as a little baby rests in his mother arms. A perfect surrender must even be willing to quit surrendering, if that is what the Lord wants. We renounce ourselves, and yet, God never lets us know when it is complete. If we knew, it would no longer BE complete, for there is nothing that bolsters the ego quiet so much as knowing that it is fully surrendered.

Surrender consist, not in doing great, heroic deeds about which self can brag, but simply in accepting whatever God sends, and not seeking to change it. Surrender is the source of true peace.

Sunday morning before quest I had great prayer time. I was nervous but I was ready at least I thought I was. Monday morning I decided to actually meditate with some soft music for about 20 minutes and then spend time in prayer. I really felt I needed to do this to prepare my heart for whatever God had for these men. I did the same thing on Tuesday morning and the same thing on Wednesday morning and we had glorious days.

Now comes Thursday morning and I wake up and I’m tired my enthusiasm is gone and I’m concerned because I don’t have anything. I literally thought to myself I have nothing for these men this morning. So I went through my quiet time and my meditation. Nothing absolutely nothing I’m literally starting to get concerned. I read in my Bible and I get a scripture that Hebrews 4 but it didn’t really speak to me. I then got a quote from my notes. At this time the quote in the scripture didn’t go together. They made no sense. During staff meeting we spoke about Numbers chapter 13 and I just knew we were going to talk about the lie that we believe about ourselves from verse 33 where he speaks about grasshoppers. Well I missed that because that’s not what the devo was about. Now I’m really frustrated. I’m thinking to myself all right God what are you doing here what am I missing?

Staff meeting was over and I’m very depressed I went up to the staff house to change clothes and when I was coming back I just started praying. And I said Lord I have absolutely nothing for these men nothing, it’s been a very hard morning and I don’t get it and I need your help. If you want these men to receive something this morning from you. Then you’re going to have to do it. I’m so empty right now I just want to go home. This is on you,. amen. You know what God Said? Absolutely nothing.

I gave it up I gave it all up. When I got to the staff house nothing had changed in my heart. We started the worship music as the guys came in. One song played the next song played and then the song “Word of God speak” came on and I just started reading the words. I went to my admin and I told him the struggle that I was having and in the midst of our conversation the Lord dropped this question on my heart. Ask the men what is the lie that they’re still believing? At that moment everything shifted,. My heart leaped, my energy level changed, I wasn’t tired anymore, I was literally lit up with excitement. Because now the scripture that I was given that morning and the quote and the song of word of God speak, it all just came together laid out perfectly. I was an absolute total awe of what just happened.

I had a countenance change.

When the music was over I knew how I was going to address the men. It was exactly how it was supposed to be. I was literally blown away.

I truly believe all week I was surrendering. But I was so accustomed to hearing so quickly. That when I didn’t hear what I wanted to hear Thursday morning I got in my own way I stopped surrendering. I believe during my prayer time between the staff house and the main house I made a decision in my heart to surrender completely and when I did that God said get ready son here we go. I’ve been waiting for you to just listen for me this morning.

You’re going to love this, Thursday morning was the first time all week that I actually read my devotion that I get in an email it was the first thing I did. Here’s the devotion.

Small straws in a soft wind

Have patience when you encounter unexpected hindrances. These will either be momentary or present an opportunity to make adjustments and redirect. Either way, refuse to allow discouragement to take you down. Stay in a place of calm and quiet trust. Allow the Holy Spirit to be your helper and constant companion. John 14:16-17 “And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever-the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.”

It would be easy to say if I had only listened to the devotion. I got in my own way.