Never saw it coming

Below is part of a writing I sent to the staff that I am serving with next week for the November Quest.   Last Wednesday is when I sent this to them.   I did not see that it was an in your face warning for me.  I thought it was for the questers and it still could be for them.
I have been chewing on the passage since last Friday 23rd.   I just can’t get away from it.  Does it have something to do with me?   Not sure yet.   2nd Corinthians 4:4  The survival and self-improvement programs of the 1religious systems of this world veil the minds of the unbelievers; exploiting their ignorance about their true origin and their redeemed innocence.  The veil of unbelief obstructs a person’s view and keeps one from seeing what the light of the gospel so clearly reveals: the 2glory of God is the image and likeness of our Maker redeemed in human form; this is what the gospel of Christ is all about. (The god of this 1aion, age, refers to the religious systems and governing structures of this world. The unbelief that neutralized Israel in the wilderness was the lie that they believed about themselves; “We are grasshoppers, and the ‘enemy’ is a giant beyond any proportion!” [Num 13:33, Josh 2:11, Heb 4:6] “They failed to possess the promise due to unbelief.” The blueprint 2doxa, glory of God, is what Adam lost on humanity’s behalf. [See Eph 4:18]) The Mirror
I have left somethings in this writing off because it talks about the quest I am leaving on next week. 
What I have learned is I am the one this is about not the questers.
2nd Corinthians 4:3  If our message seems vague to anyone, it is not because we are withholding something from certain people! It is just because some are so stubborn in their efforts to uphold an outdated system that they don’t see it! They are all equally found in Christ but they prefer to remain lost in the cul-de-sac language of the law! The Mirror

No doubt after reading my blog yesterday you probably figured that while my wife was away fighting for women hearts I laid my sword down.  2 Samuel 23:9-10 And next to him among the three mighty men was Eleazar the son of Dodo, son of Ahohi. He was with David when they defied the Philistines who were gathered there for battle, and the men of Israel withdrew. He rose and struck down the Philistines until his hand was weary, and his hand clung to the sword. And the LORD brought about a great victory that day, and the men returned after him only to strip the slain. (2 Samuel 23:9-10 ESV)   I did not strike the enemy down until my hand was weary. What I did realize is that I tried my absolute hardest to walk in victory in my own strength.  Don’t get me wrong I talked to my brothers who I do life with.   I was in the word every morning but I was deceived.  I went to counseling yesterday.  I told her that several men that I do life with spoke truth into me and gave me words of encouragement. I thought I received those words, but I didn’t. Because deep in my heart I already knew I was going to fall. My counselor asked me this question. I thought you told me that you met with a group of men that were transparent? I said, that’s exactly what I told you that’s what we do we’re transparent.  Then she said something that just made me very sad. She said,   “Well, when they were speaking truth to you and you knew in your heart that you were going to fall (unbelief) you didn’t say that to them.  Therefore you were not transparent and as we were talking about this she made another statement.  The reason you fell is because you are living out of the experience from your past.  You need to stop given weight to the evidence and instead start giving weight to the truth.  Then we discovered the lie. What I have always thought the lie was what if I don’t ever get to look at porn again?  No the lie is …… if I never get to look at porn again I won’t be ok.
Needless to say yesterday was a good day I am in a good place I set on the couch last night with my wife and we talked about this.   She is an amazing woman. From this day forward I will be the warrior clinging to his sword.   My heart is good.

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