I have been signing my emails lately with the phrase “there is no future in the past” Little did I know that that would be more for me than I realize. I always hate when something gets brought up and you realize that even though you forgave that person, the wound is still there. I thought I dealt with it … as a mater a fact I did and I got peace as well at the time. It has come back. I got a word from the Lord Friday night as I was driving down to Fredericksburg. A friend of mine is always sending scripture. I don’t mean just one scripture but 10 to 20. Sometimes a whole chapter. Anyway what he sent me Friday night was this.
8 He who gets wisdom loves his own soul;
he who cherishes understanding prospers.
9 A false witness will not go unpunished,
and he who pours out lies will perish.
10 It is not fitting for a fool to live in luxury—
how much worse for a slave to rule over princes!
11 A man’s wisdom gives him patience;
it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Verse 11 is what just hammered me. I just looked at it and said “Lord, are you freaking kidding me?”
I have to tell you part of me on the inside said, do you remember what he did to me and how he talked to me and how he made me feel like a freaking idiot … dumb ass or whatever. Then I have to remember what my book the Bait of Satan says. (Too much to write) Anyway my wife says, have you forgiven him and while I was answering I hear Holy Spirit say NO! So I said No I guess not, dammit! So this is a good thing but I don’t like it. The fact that I have to forgive this person over again is very irritating. Nevertheless it has to be done. Here is where the rub is I am supposed to love him, but I don’t want to. I know this man is very wounded and has been for a long time. I feel I have forgiven this person …..AGAIN!!! I had to forgive my x wife over and over as well as her husband for the first couple of years after the divorce for stealing her from me. So I know I can do this …. It will just be a process.
Thanks for reading